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Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take

Land O Lakes Hatcher

Is it just me or do I see a dirty side to food when I go to the grocery store? There is more pornographic material in your local grocery store than at a brothel in Bangkok. When I was younger I would make jokes about food and bring them to my high school and put them on my binder. I was kind of the class clown that got more ass than a toilet seat but that’s besides the point. I remember a joke that I would play and keep on my binder, I thanked Land O Lakes Butter, here is why.

If you look at the package, it seems innocent enough right? I mean a Native American woman sitting on her knees holding butter right? Well if you take her knees and cut them out and paste them where the butter belongs you will get a woman holding her bare breasts. Ahh the good ole bad days.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take

Anyway like I said, when I go to the grocery store I get a good laugh, so I am walking down an aisle and low and behold I see Cock Soup. Now I don’t know about you but I always laugh when I see this in the store, especially when you see that the package reads Cock flavored soup………..mmmm makes me want to drink it right there.

So I’m on my way to the breakfast isle and I come across twinkies, now what is harmless about a twinkie? Well lets take a look at a twinkie what its shaped like and the fact it has crème filling. Interesting, this girl I dated back in the day was turned on by twinkie’s, now I know why.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take

Do you enjoy Spotted Dick? Well in England they enjoy this which is also called sponge pudding. See what our youth is exposed to? I honestly can’t tell you how many aisles I go down and there is something that pops out as perverted or sex related. Don’t believe me? Well, next time you go shopping take your time to really look and see what is going on down each and every aisle, and you never know something like a fetish. If you have a store that has ethnic you may come across Jussi Pussi.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take
jussi pussi

Oh that’s not American and I would never see anything like that at my store. Well if you say that think again. Lets say you happen to walk donw the potato chip aisle right, nothing harmful here right? Wrong, the first thing I see is Lays, see what I mean, sex is everywhere, maybe this is why America is obese, because we are tempted to go to the store and get turned on.

Now back to the twinkie or should I say dessert aisle, upon closer inspection I see a snowball. Hopefully everyone out there knows what the term snowball means as far as sex is concerned and once again you will see what I mean about the filth and pornography at every grocery store nationwide. I mean you need an age restriction to discuss these things online, but here they are in plain view for all to read.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take
wiener wrap

I even went through the bakery aisle thinking I was safe,I mean bread and baked goods seemed harmeless right? Wrong, once again I was turned on to more filth by my favorite bakery advertising weiner wraps. Then I go over to the breads for a whole grain. At this point I am thinking bread is not harmful so I escaped the clutches of the porno grocery store. I see the usual, a bakery, a girl wearing a white bakers hat, nothing unusual here. I’m am thinking i want something healthy, like a multiple grain, or better yet maybe something with protein in it, yes some breads have protein. Well I  found it all right in, found it in a bad way.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take
semen bread


What do I see? Semen flavored bread, sounds great, might be hard to swallow but I mean come on? I couldn’t believe it, but hey I need my protein and I needed my grains so I tossed it in my shopping cart. Hopefully its not too salty, maybe low in sodium but the Semen bread may have a buttery consistency as advertised. Since 1908, sounds like some pretty old but established semen.

So I start to head to the exit and think oh I need some tortillas and some hot sauce this should be a non sexual experience, until I come to the sauce. Hmm I see Jerk sauce being sold on the shelf, and right now you are thinking the same thing I am, Jerk sauce how original, no need going down the bath section for my ky-jelly I can get it right here in the salsa location.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take
jerk sauce

I am finished buying the things I need, and think I am safe because I am finished with my shopping needs. I take a slow stroll up to the check out thinking I was safe. The line is long so I am patiently waiting, I was getting closer and closer to the register and there are those candies and stuff they sell close to the register when you check out.

I thought to myself, well I will see what they have to offer,  once again I was caught off guard with “Finger Marie” the snack that keeps on giving.

Swinging Humor - Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take
finger marie

I thought I could escape this porno of a grocery store with no other thoughts of sex and food but no, not a chance. Like I said a trip to the grocery store is always an adventure, and I see so much porn you don’t even need to watch one once you are through. Remember this each time you go to the store, keep a watchful eye, and see how our foods seem like they are trying to sell something else.


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