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Swingers: Movie

No Swinging Here
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This blog is swingers take on movies.  If you are a swinger like me and enjoy movies, you probably are getting sick and tired of Hollywood reboots, and are tired of being misled at the box office.  Hollywood nowadays is making prequel this and sequel that.  If you liked my blog on “Sex Food Names: A Swingers Take”, then you will know the direction of this blog.

I have compiled a list of movies that are misleading to swingers, based on either a misleading plot or a misleading name, or even misleading character’s.  Below you will see Hollywood’s version of the poster, and then Mike Hatcher’s Version of what it should be.

 

Backdraft

Backdraft

In This movie, I was expecting something along the lines of basic instinct or mature related. With a name like BACKDRAFT I was expecting maybe a love story between two men, kind of like Broke back Mountain. I was not expecting a firefighting movie with Kurt Russell.

VERDICT:

  • NO NUDITY
  • NO LOVE STORY BETWEEN TWO MEN
  • NO BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN SCENES

 

 

Freddy Got Fingered

Swingers: Movie - Freddy Got Fingered

No Fingering Going On Here

I was expecting a mans first time with another man, hence the title Freddy Got Fingered, I was thinking it was a man experimenting with his bisexual side, but no, once again it was a cheesy comedy that was not funny!

VERDICT:

  • NO ONE GETS FINGERED
  • NO FIRST TIME WITH ANOTHER MAN
  • NO BISEXUAL SCENES

 

The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants

Swingers: Movie - The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants

No Pants Taken Off

I was excited on this one, thinking with a title like that it has to be about Unicorns sleeping around and traveling to different swinger clubs, but yet again I was disappointed as it has nothing to do with the above aforementioned.

 

VERDICT:

  • NO NUDITY
  • NO ONE TAKES THEIR PANTS OFF
  • NO NUDE SCENES OR UNICORNS AT SWINGER CLUBS

 

Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging –

Swingers: Movie - Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging

No Dogging Here

As the name implies I was expecting thongs and snogging to resemble dogging, or swinging, but once again Hollywood has let me down on this one.

The man who wasn’t there  – I thought this would be a drama about a single man being excluded from Swinger clubs nationwide. Don’t waste your time as this movie has nothing to do with the title.

VERDICT:

  • NO DOGGING
  • NO SWINGER CLUBS
  • NO SINGLE MEN

 

Salt

Swingers: Movie - Salt

No Salt Here !

LOL I thought this one may be about blow jobs and the salty taste that follow, and since Angelina Jolie was in it I thought…..why not? It has no blow jobs in this, so do not watch it!

 

 

VERDICT:

  • NO BLOW JOBS
  • NO NUDITY
  • NO GOOD

 

The Ghost And The Darkness – –

Swingers: Movie - The Ghost And The Darkness

Sorry No Mandingo Here

I thought this was going to be a great interracial movie, the ghost being a white chick and the darkness being a strong African American man like Mandingo………Instead we get Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas running around in Africa with no Mandingo.

 

VERDICT:

  • NO INTERRACIAL SEX SCENES
  • NO NUDITY
  • NO MANDINGO

 

Swingers –

Swingers: Movie- Swingers

No Swinging Here

Has nothing to do with swingers, another failed attempt at Hollywood to capitalize on the lifestyle. This by far in my opinion is the worst movie ever created, and has not swinger clubs in it, no nudity.

VERDICT:

  • NO SWINGERS
  • NOT FUNNY
  • NO SWINGER CLUBS

 

 

 

Cinderella Man –

Swingers: Movie - Cinderella Man

No Transsexuals Here

I am thinking this is a great movie about  a cross dresser or Transsexual, living in a magical city, picking up men, yet once again Hollywood has let me down. There are no CD’s or Tranny’s in this, save your money my friends.

VERDICT:

  • NO TRANSSEXUAL’S
  • NO CROSS DRESSER’S
  • NO MAGIC

 

 

Free Willy

Swingers: Movie - Free Willy

No Willy’s Here

I thought this was a movie about a guy with a big sch-long, but no, There is no guys that ever exposes himself or even Free’s His Willy…..not even to take a leak.

 

VERDICT:

  • NO WILLY’S
  • NO EXPOSURE
  • NO LEAKS

 

 

Failure To Launch

Swingers: Movie - Failure to Launch

No Erectile Dysfunction Here

I went to the movies and saw this one, I wanted my money back, I thought it was going to be a thriller about a man that needed male enhancement or erectile dysfunction, or premature ejaculation.  I thought it may be a mans journey to find the holy grail for his penis, but no, has nothing to do with the title, again thanks Hollywood!

VERDICT:

  • NO ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
  • NO JOURNEY FOR A HARD ON
  • NO PREMATURE EJACULATION

 

 

Whip It –

Swingers: Movie - Whip It

No Whips Or BDSM

I thought this was going to be a BDSM movie, then I find its about a girl and her horse? Seriously, another movie that irritates swingers. No BDSM or even one mention of a swinger club ever in this movie….maybe I should have looked at the movie poster?

 

VERDICT:

  • NO BDSM
  • NO ONE GETTING WHIPPED
  • NO MENTION OF BONDAGE

 

The Banger Sisters

Swingers: Movie - The Banger Sisters

No Banging Here ..Move Along

This is great, I am thinking I am going to a 70’s porn movie……Goldie Hawn? Ok Do I get to see her nude?? It has nothing to do with sisters getting banged, more like the ancient lives of groupies. They don’t even go into explicit detail…..two thumbs down!

 

VERDICT:

  • NO BANGING
  • NO SISTER ACTION
  • NO NUDITY

 

 

Snatch  —

Swingers: Movie - Snatch

No Snatch Here

Need I Say More?

 

 

 

VERDICT:

  • NO SNATCH
  • NO NAKED WOMEN
  • NO SEX OR NUDITY

 

Live Free Or Die Hard

Swingers: Movie - Live Free or Die Hard

No One Gets Hard In This One

Again The title implies a man that has a constant hard  erection while in prison so he has a choice to escape from prison…to live free…or Die Hard.

 

 

VERDICT:

  • NO PRISON
  • NO ERECTIONS
  • NO ONE DIES HARD

 

 

Grease –

Swingers: Movie - Grease

No One Gets Lube

The title implies someone greasing up with lube and a hot time, thought I would be watching a lot of anal in this film, but instead I get a musical like The Sound Of Music.

 

VERDICT:

  • NO ANAL SEX
  • NO LUBE
  • NO SEX OR NUDITY

 

 

Snakes On A Plane

Swingers: Movie - Snakes On A Plane

No Snakes Here

Since Samuel L Jackson was in Black snake moan, I thought he would be a pimp on a plane with his big snake, but no there are actual real snakes on a plane, I was misled because I don’t know how real snakes would be on a plane?

VERDICT:

  • ONLY REAL SNAKES
  • NO MANDINGO SCENES
  • NO SEX OR NUDITY

 

 

xXx

Swingers: Movie - XXX

No XXX Action In This Movie

This movie with Vin Diesel next to Swingers is the #2 disappointment as the title implies a sexual rating but no one takes their clothes and there is no action.

 

VERDICT:

  • NO XXX ACTION
  • NO SOFT CORE
  • NO SEX OR NUDITY

 

 

I hope this post has saved someone the time and money before you go out and buy or rent one of these movies.



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