One of the fastest and most intriguing ways to spice up an existing relationship is to explore the possibility of a threesome. A third partner can change the chemistry between you and your partner if things have gotten a bit stale. It also In addition to the obvious physical allure of adding a third person to the mix, it is a source of variety and fun. That person can also change the balance of power if BDSM is part of your relationship, not to mention a genuine resource in your lives.
Physically, threesomes come in two basic flavors: MFF and MMF. The gender meaning is obvious: MMF equals two guys and a woman, while MFF means two women and a man. Some people use different acronyms, MFM and FMF, because they feel that using either the letters MM or FF back-to-back implies that the men or women involved are either gay or bisexual and will become sexual with one another during the threesome experience. This is mostly about semantics, but it does illustrate some of the sensitive issues revolving around different comfort zones that can come into play when planning a threesome.
When it comes to chemistry and the experience itself, threesomes also tend to come in two completely different flavors: spontaneous and planned. Spontaneous threesomes can happen in a variety of ways — a couple is having a night out with a mutual friend and the attraction is there, either articulated or unspoken, but it is present, and the situation plays out in such a way that sparks begin to fly and it happens (not surprisingly, libido-loosening substances are occasionally involved). Or a couple that’s into the swing scene goes to a party, they see someone they both like and invite that person to explore the threesome experience.
Planned threesomes are an entirely different experience. In these scenarios, one or both partners express an interest in trying a threesome, either for novelty or to integrate threesomes as part of their sexual lifestyle. Discussions happen, negotiations ensue, and if both partners are on the same page they adopt a strategy to find the right person to be the third and figure out what they want from the experience.
If you and your partner are going to plan a threesome, there are some important questions to ask and areas to explore to make sure you have fun and get the most out of the experience:
o What do you want from your new partner? If you’re going to approach someone you know, is it about mutual physical attraction for this person, personality, or something else? Do you want to try new positions, or experiment with things you can’t do as a couple? Or are you looking to design a completely new experience, one that involves watching porn, using toys, being in a different environment, etc.? There are plenty of exciting possibilities, but make sure you find common ground.
Knowing and discussing the orientation and preference of all three people is important to maximize the benefits and avoid insecurities that can surface due to false assumptions about one another. Are the men in an MMF gay or bisexual, and what will their comfort zone be during the experience? Same question for the women in an MFF — will they be sexual with one another, and if so, to what extent? Also, what are the different preferences? Is one person more oral, another into foreplay, while the third enjoys using toys or being dominant? Will alcohol or chemicals be involved, and if so, how much? You should have an idea of what everyone wants and be able to strike a balance between planning and spontaneity that makes all party involved relaxed and comfortable with the experience.
Take into account everyone’s ability to handle and enjoy the experience. Are you and your partner strong enough to handle the insecurities that may surface during a threesome? And if you’re experienced at threesomes, is the new person a good fit, and does he or she bring enough to the table to make it worthwhile? Also, what’s the experience level and comfort zone of the third person?
In addition, it almost goes without saying, but if you’re going out to a party or a club to find a third, make sure you’re comfortable enough with the environment and surroundings. Make sure that the person you find and choose is reliable, has a good character and is fun.
Finally, it’s important to take into account the different sexual chemistry that comes with the two types of threesomes. The stereotypical assumption is that a MMF will be a testosterone-fueled adventure, while an MFF will tend to be gentler and more sensuous. That may or may not be true, but sexual chemistry is a human experience, not something that’s based exclusively on gender. Power plays can happen, and hidden aspects of different personalities can surface suddenly and unexpectedly during a threesome. If you don’t know the third well or are just introducing sex into an established interpersonal equation, consider spending some time together as a threesome socially, with the possibility of sex on the table, before you dive in and take the plunge.
Oh, and one last thing…remember to have fun! Don’t over think the experience, and enjoy the unexpected as much as possible when it does happen.